It’s been a long time since I wrote my last “You Found My Site HOW???” post. But fear not, dear readers, there are still people crazier than you and I out there. (Unless, of course, one of these searches was yours, in which case, there’s nobody crazier than you. It’s over.)
And the crazies all still seem to gravitate towards my blog.
In fact, I’d say they’ve gotten even crazier since 2011. Can we blame global warming?!
Anyway, I thought it was about time I shared with you some of the best (or worst, however you want to look at it) searches and finally answer some of the burning questions these people seem to want to ask me. Me, the Wise Old Sage. *ahem*
I’m nothing if not selfless.
“Days of heaven train”
Wait….there’s a train to heaven?? Do other people know about this?? Why am I always the last one to find out about these things?! If you could provide us with a timetable, that would be great. I imagine that thing books up pretty fast.
“Discovery channel is constant repeats”
Oh, don’t you just hate that? When you’ve seen one season of Deadliest Catch, you’ve seen them all.
“Dog jealous of baby”
Maybe stop feeding your baby dog treats and this problem will go away. Apart from that, I’ve got nothing.
“Girls drink beer”
Yes. Yes they do.
“How to cut hair like Rod Stewart”
Rod Stewart is a hairdresser?! Since when? I’m guessing, a bit like the heaven train, that he’s pretty fully booked. Does he croon to you while he’s cutting your hair? I need to know more. I guess it puts “The First Cut Is The Deepest” into more perspective.
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“Ladyboy in my room”
Firstly, I guess we need to distinguish just how they got into your room. Did you let them in, or were they in there when you got back? Are they not a bit annoyed that you’re Googling this question while they’re stood there (hopefully on your phone and you didn’t just whip out your laptop – or even worse your desktop – and ask them to excuse you for a minute). Whatever you do, DON’T let them cut your hair. Get Rod Stewart to do it instead.
“Love? No, I prefer Jack Daniels”
Well, I guess that explains why you’re (presumably) single. There’s going to be no room on the heaven train for you, buddy.
“Naked New Year”
Is this a party theme? Or was this your New Year’s resolution? Either way, I don’t think it’s a good idea. It’s a surefire way to lose all of your friends. Plus, January can be really cold, you guys. Frostbite – that’s all I’ll say.
“Pee on me fries”
I’m confused. Does this mean that you peed on your own fries? Or that you’d like someone else to pee on your fries? Hopefully you’re just looking for Mannekin Pis fries in Belgium. But if so, I wouldn’t ask someone on the street directions for what you just Googled. Not sure it would go down so well.
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“Ugly confused Chinese people”
I’m not even sure what to say about this. It is wrong on so many levels.
“Why did he cut my hair?”
Who? Rod Stewart?
“I am transformed into a ladyboy”
Was this a situation like the movie Big? Did you just wake up one morning and discover an immaculate dress sense and appreciation of makeup? The fact that you’re Googling it suggests a certain surprise that this has happened. I hope you’re not the ladyboy who was in the room of my other reader. If so, you seem to be making them feel uncomfortable so you should probably leave. And you both need to get off your phones Googling things.
“I stopped going out of my house”
Let me guess – because you love reading my blog so much? No? Well, it’s probably for the best. There’s people out there who pee on their own fries, you know.
“I want him to cut my hair”
Who? Rod Stewart?
“My Dad is very smart”
Good for him. Tell him to start reading my blog, that’ll kill a few brain cells and level the playing field.
“What do monkeys do in the hottest part of the day?”
I’ve never thought about this before, but now I’m going to spend far too much time pondering this question. Thanks. Thanks a lot. *wanders off to ask the ladyboy in the room to Google it for me*
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Photo credits: rod stewart, mannekin pis
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