Annoying Backpacker Personalities

Since I started this trip, I have noticed patterns emerging in the types of people that you meet regularly in typical hostel and backpacker situations. 

And although most of the time the people are lovely, friendly and great fun to be around, there are some personalities that we all love to hate. Here are just a few of the ones I have noticed to be most consistently annoying in the last few months.

The Bragger – “I’ve been to every corner of the world….three times” Really? You’ve really been to every single place in the world? According to the bragger, they’ve been there, done that, and always better than you. They look at you with pity when you tell them your itinerary. They rate their importance by how many countries they have been to, and give themselves bonus points if they have been there more than once. The Bragger is more interested in ticking off places from their Lonely Planet Top 50 lists than they are in forming relationships with other human beings.

The Druggie – You know the type: they regularly like to drop into the conversation that they, or many of their friends do drugs. They boast about how they want to go to South America just to “experience the crazy drug culture, man”, whilst you slowly inch away from them at the hostel table as you realise their pupils are just slightly too large for your liking. Drugs aren’t big and they aren’t clever. And unless you are 100% sure that everyone you are talking to is a drug user too, you really shouldn’t bring them up as every subject of conversation.

The Authentic Traveller – Their wrists are adorned with friendship bracelets they have bought from street sellers in third world countries. They have tattoos from every travelling experience that has ever had a profound effect on them. They refuse to sleep in hostels, instead imposing upon local families for a more “authentic” experience. They are the types that like to say that they are beating their own path….yet they still carry an iPhone and laptop in their backpack. These people tend to be slightly too skinny for their own good, because they refuse to conform to the norm of actually eating a decent meal. Not when there are starving people in the world. Starving people that they stayed with. You know, just to get an authentic experience.

The Dolce & Gabbana Couple – In direct contrast to the Authentic Traveller are the couple that everyone envies, yet they can’t quite put their finger on why. This couple never seem to wear the same outfit twice, yet seem to be saving money by staying in hostels. They are never creased and unclean, like most backpackers are every once in a while. They have an endless supply of brand name clothes and accessories and often keep themselves to themselves, giving them an air of mystery even stronger than their designer fragrances. They can usually be spotted using their high end electronics whilst topping up their immaculate tans. These kind of people need to be stopped, before the whole noition of a backpacker becomes distrorted into something luxurious. What will our parents have to worry about anymore if they think we all travel like this?! It’s madness.

The Walking TripAdvisor – “Oh you don’t want to stay there – I stayed there and it was terrible. The staff were rude. I got bitten by mosquitoes. No-one spoke English.” Oh, I’m sorry – I didn’t realise I had asked for a whole review of the hostel I just mentioned I was thinking of staying at. But thanks for that, you just saved me a job of Googling it, because you seem so knowledgable on the subject.

The Joker – The name for this type of backpacker is actually ironic, because these types are possibly the least funny people you will ever meet. They insist on telling terrible jokes at every available opportunity whilst you laugh politely and resist the opportunity to gauge your own eyes out. Slowly. They are often older and therefore feel they are being “hip” and “cool” and any other adjectives they think young people actuallly still use. These people are harmless and yet suicide-inducing at the same time.

The Clingon – These could possible be the worst type of backpackers. At least you can shake the others off when you have had enough of them. But the Clingons are an altogether different and more dangerous species. It starts off innocently enough: you may be sharing a dorm room with them or have struck up a conversation in the communal kitchen. Then you notice that whenever you turn around, they are there. They go down for breakfast at the same time as you. They question you on where you are going next and befriend you on Facebook. They interrupt your conversations with others so that they can talk to you. There is only one way to get rid of a Clingon – quickly, stealthily and without remorse. Get out of the danger zone as fast as you can and then as soon as is possible without looking totally ignorant, remove them on Facebook. Trust me, it’s for your own good. It would only end in a restraining order.

Now I’m going to go away and decide which of these categories I fall into….because let’s face it, we’re all as annoying as each other.

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